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Church Tales Chapter 6

by Jimilinden

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Chapter VI: Converts THE FOLLOWING STORY IS TRUE. ALL EVENTS AND BEHAVIOR ARE FAITHFUL ACCOUNTS OF PAST EVENTS, ALTHOUGH NAMES HAVE BEEN ALTERED TO PROTECT MY POSTERIOR AND KEEP ME OUT OF COURT. WRITER'S LICENSE AND HUMBLE DISCRETION HAVE BEEN USED WHERE AND WHEN I FELT IT EXPEDIENT TO AVOID ADVERSITY OR TO ENHANCE EPISODE INTERVALS. * * * * * The Reverend Ronnie Joe and I sat talking over coffee in my kitchen. Neither of us had any clothing on, as it had just been too much trouble to get dressed after our cooperative gratification of my fiancé's long unfulfilled fantasy. Susie was recuperating in the bedroom from the enjoyment of her two-lover fantasy and his wife had retired to their house after being thoroughly satiated the night before. In the background, we could hear the neighborhood awakening to another Saturday of weekend chores and fun. We knew it wouldn't be long before the pre-holiday reverie would be broken by the demands of our lives and families. "Ronnie," I said, "Now that we've corrupted you totally, how do you feel?" He sat quietly for several seconds, obviously deep in thought. Then he answered carefully, "I don't exactly understand my feelings at the moment. You kids did not, as you suggested, corrupt me. Every man is master of his own actions and should never blame anyone but himself if he fails in his own expectations. To say that I feel I've done something wicked would be untrue because I can't feel that anything which brought so much enjoyment to so many of us could really be evil. Sexual gratification between agreeable adults (you'll notice I didn't use the word consenting) I CANNOT denounce. "Because I'm a minister, certain factions of society expect me to be above personal enjoyment. Whether or not the members of my congregation would understand and accept my having extramarital sex, even with my wife's permission, is certainly open to debate. I suppose I'm still a bit in the old monogamous fidelity mode, as the thought of them finding out does give me pause." "Sounds to me like you're trying to convince yourself that you've done no wrong," I speculated. "If it's any help, my opinion is that you've done nothing immoral. How can performing such a vital service, as well as providing so much happiness, for four people be considered sinful?" "Interesting viewpoint. I like to think I've given something worthwhile to everyone,” Ronnie sighed. "It is difficult to just forget my religious education and conservative upbringing though." "Then don't forget your beliefs. Add to them. If your deity is as loving as I've always heard, then surely sharing that love cannot be evil. My personal theology is one of open mindedness," I mused. "As an example, I am totally heterosexual. Yet I'm more than willing to allow someone else to enjoy homosexuality, as long as they don't try to force their beliefs on me. By the same token, I would be untrue to my own beliefs if I either tried to convert that person, or more importantly, if I condemned them for their actions and preferences.” "In other words, anything goes as long as the participants are willing, right?" Ronnie thought for a moment more then asked, "How do you feel about sadism, or bestiality, or sex with children?" "O.K." I answered. "You've got me. I admit there must be limits. It's difficult to set those limits though. I think you'll have to agree. Let's you and I, for the purpose of this discussion and our own peace of mind, prescribe our boundaries as just plain, normal, heterosexual relationships. That sound O.K. to you?" "You are a smooth talker, you are! I'm not sure but I think I've just made a pact with the Devil. I don't suppose you believe in him either, do you?" "Not as a red colored, horned, forked tailed entity,” I laughingly replied. "I believe that both the decency and the evil of the world are merely manifestations of human thought. I once heard it said that heaven and hell are merely conditions of the mortal mind. I think I can accept that statement." Ronnie studied me for several long seconds before he continued, "Have you ever thought about being a minister? I'll bet you could out-talk Beelzebub himself if you put your mind to it.” Grinning at the thought, I ventured, "The closest I've ever come to considering preaching is my fantasy of forming my own church. Yeah! It'd be called The First Church Of Computer Science. Of course, I get to program the computer!" Ronnie groaned, "Is that all you ever think of? There's more to life than sex, you know. Don't you have any plans for the future?" "Sir!" I reprimanded. "Stand at attention when you mention sex to me. I'll have you know I have nothing BUT plans for the future! I intend to start on them right after I finish screwing every female on the planet!" "You're hopeless," he laughed. We talked about many things, as friends are wont to do when they're getting to know one another. A couple of hours of good-humored joshing and almost three pots of coffee later, Ronnie decided he'd better head home. Before he left though, he asked me if I'd be willing to attend his church sometime. Probably because we'd been enjoying each other's company and stories, I was in a particularly congenial mood and agreed before I thought about it. Within the hour, Ronnie's wife Dianna came over and asked me what in the world I'd said to him. Oblivious to my nudity she told me he was happier than she'd seen him in years and he couldn't stop talking about me. Somehow or other, according to Ronnie, I'd promised to come to his church and talk to the congregation! I found it difficult to speak with my chin bouncing off my knees while Dianna threw her arms around me and tried to rotor-route my tonsils. "Oh that's so wonderful of you," she gushed. "We've been having trouble keeping our flock coming recently. I just know the people who are there tomorrow will love you and they'll tell others. Before long our little church will be overflowing again!" The difficulty of biting back a scathing, "and so will the collection plate," was magnificently rewarded when she pinned me against the kitchen counter with her gyrating body, kissed me passionately and exited with an, "Oh thank you, thank you!" I stood dumfounded, pointing at the door that had just closed behind her. No wonder I jumped three feet straight up without my feet leaving the floor when Susie asked, "What was that all about? Do you always point with that?" Sheepishly I grinned, "I think I just became a minister.” Susie, still quite nude herself, stared at my naked body for a minute. Then she jeered, "Talk about letting the fox loose in the hen house! Letting you preach in church is about like making Hitler a Rabbi! Are you going to do it? 'Cause if you are, there's no way I'm gonna' miss this!" I managed to stammer out, "I don't know. Ronnie and I were just shooting the bull, or at least that's what I thought we were doing. I gotta' call him.” As I moved to pick up the phone, Susie pulled my body against hers and said, "Hey, it might be interesting. You're always telling me how sexy churches are.” "Right! I can hear it now! I'm going to say, "Brothers and sisters, take off your clothes and we'll explore the religious temples of our bodies together," I sniggered. "You know that's not a bad idea. Maybe I could do something with that.” Then as Susie pulled me to the floor with her, I mumbled, "I'll think about it later!" Eventually we finished our interruption in the bedroom. When she was finally satisfied and dozing peacefully, I quietly slipped out to call Ronnie. He confirmed that I was invited to speak from his pulpit the following day. I asked how we had gotten from a friendly suggestion that I attend his church to my being a guest speaker. Ronnie apologized and admitted he might have gotten a bit carried away. A BIT? Like a dummy I agreed to accompany him to his church and said I would give a short talk. No restrictions were to be placed on my elocution and he promised he would back up anything I said. Talk about pressure! I liked the man and surely didn't want to see him burned at the stake, much less frighten away his source of income. Throughout the evening and deep into the early hours of Sunday morning I wrote and discarded a multitude of notes, thoughts and foolishness. The ideas that came to me were all within the limits of conventional religious doctrine and platitudes. Ten o'clock in the morning found me in Ronnie's office with no more idea what I should say than I had envisioned twenty-four hours earlier. He said to relax and I would do just fine. Easy enough to say for a guy who practiced his speaking skills every week. Perhaps, I thought, the audience wouldn't be able to hear me over the noise of my knees knocking together. The service started with me sitting on the podium like someone who belonged and had at least a vague idea why they were there. After an opening prayer and several welcome (for the delay) songs, Ronnie introduced me simply as a guest speaker. At least this relieved me of having to live up to a title. I stood, looked out at the small congregation and discovered a hidden gift. I enjoyed the attention of being the star attraction. Within the first few seconds I realized these people were a captive audience and would listen to whatever I said. They also would accept most of it as (no pun intended) gospel and were subject to the power of my voice. I carefully scanned the dozen or so people before me and took a moment to make eye contact with each one before I spoke. I carefully avoided looking lower as at least a third of the people present were short skirted and attractive. If Susie hadn't had the foresight to bring a tape recorder, I would never have known what I said. "Sisters and brothers, ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys," I began slowly, allowing myself a few extra moments to think. "In the interest of truth and honesty I must first tell you I am not a man of God. Actually, I am a man who has questioned the very existence of a supreme deity throughout my life. Does this make me an atheist? No! This only makes me a searcher for evidence. For I maintain, that atheism is as dedicated a theological conviction, as is any mainstream religion. A true atheist can declare (with the same conviction as a bible-thumping preacher proclaims his belief in God) that THERE IS NO GOD! I cannot do that, but neither can I argue the opposite. The original concept of a supreme being was mans attempt to explain the unexplainable. I am neither so conceited nor so articulate as to believe that I can improve upon that concept. Admittedly, I refuse to accept the normal depiction of a white bearded, old man in flowing robes as a manifestation of deity. My God is nature and the world within which we live. My God is the goodness and love of humans interacting with each other. My God is the people of this world who give of themselves unto others so we may all live in peace, harmony and share a bit of happiness one with another. My God is the nurse who cares enough to give that extra little bit, beyond what's required, to bring comfort to the ailing. My God is the caregiver who helps an elderly patient through their infirmities and ignores their cantankerous attitude. My God is the teacher who continues to share their knowledge despite the small pittance our society shares with them. I pointedly turned to look at Ronnie Joe and his then at his family as I said, My God is the minister who suffers poverty and witnesses his family do without necessities to comfort - and guide - and care for his congregation. My devil! My devil is not a red colored demon with a forked tail and an evil leer. My devil is the hoodlum who wantonly destroys property and feelings of security 'just for the fun of it My devil is any person who would willfully bring pain to another being! My devil is the leader who conveys his followers to destruction in the name of power and personal glory. My devil is any person who says you must believe and act a certain way because that's the way they believe and choose to act. My devil is any being or concept that deprives me of the license to shape my own future. My devil is anyone who forcibly separates me from my loved ones. My devil is anything or anyone who deprives those loved ones of their security. My devil is anyone who would take away our freedom. Which brings me to freedom. Freedom, as defined by the president of Amway and probably badly misquoted by me, is the right to stand in the middle of a room and swing your arms about yourself without restraint. Freedom ceases when the tips of your fingers begin to hit other people. After a calculated pause, I continued, Freedom is the right to walk a different road than most of society. As long as you don't trespass on someone's sacred property or personal space I believe it is and should be acceptable to explore alternate, uncharted paths. This doesn't mean I'm totally immune from prejudices when I encounter someone with a different moral code, or a different political attitude or even a different fashion style than mine. When I see a man with long hair and an earring, I admit I'm a bit put off by his countenance. Surprisingly, the few individuals of this description I've encountered have turned out to be both pleasant to know and usually are easy to like and become friends with. Some while back I began to associate with a man who runs a motorcycle shop in town. Through this association several ladies and gentlemen, who are best described as bikers, have become acquaintances. I admit it was eye opening for me when not only were these people quite nice but both helpful and caring. My prejudiced attitudes were emphasized for me one night when my car broke down in the rain. It was after two in the morning and I managed to pull into the parking lot at Capital Hill shopping center. Do you have any idea how deserted that lot is at that hour of the morning even though you're on Central? Had I wanted to burglarize one of the stores I suspect there would have been a multitude of blue clad knights in black and white cruisers there to deter such thoughts. This particular morning all I had for company was the sound of rain ticking on the roof of my car. Then I heard a low rumble, which quickly became an earsplitting thunder as the noise echoed from the buildings encircling the horseshoe shaped expanse of the parking lot. Sure enough I had attracted the attention of a group of LEATHER CLAD knights astraddle two wheeled steeds. One fuzzy faced individual with an open vest and no shirt knocked on my window. Fear of reprisal compelled me to open my sanctuary to the wet morning and the equally wet knight. He smiled and called me by name (much to my surprise as I wasn't aware any of the bikers really knew me that well) and asked if he could help. I told him I had evidently flooded my car on one of the many puddles on Central and the battery was low from trying to start it. Directing me to stay inside my vehicle where it was dry, he told me to pop the hood. Then he asked one of the other bikers for his shirt. After drying out my wiring and distributor with the shirt, the group put their shoulders to my car and gave me a push start. When I offered to pay, they were almost insulted. Then they followed me most of the way home to make sure I didn't flood out again. All this, mind you, while they were getting wet and cold themselves. I would have to say that is my idea of true religion. Helping others and giving of yourself without prejudice or reservation even if it causes you discomfort. Should I be asked if I believe in God, I would probably immediately answer with an emphatic, "No!" Yet, I do believe in the sanctimony within each and every person. I believe we form our own theocracies in our minds. What is any religion except mental beliefs and attitudes? Should I condemn someone because they were brought up to think and believe differently than me? Is it wrong to believe that there is a white robed individual directing everything on this planet? Is Allah a lesser deity than God? Am I so significant that I can judge another person's attitudes and concepts? I may not agree with someone's moral concepts. I may not agree with their views on religion. I may violently disagree with your - or your - or your politics! But I realize more and more as I grow in experience that this very diversity of ideas is what makes this earth of ours such a wonderful place to live. Personally, I love to experience new theories and learn about different cultures. Maybe I just love people. I know I love the bodies we inhabit and I find them quite beautiful. At the risk of raised eyebrows I add to that statement, male as well as female. No, I have no questions about my sexuality and I definitely have no interest in men except as partners for women. I probably should have been a nudist because I truly enjoy looking at unclothed people. If I seem a bit prejudiced here toward the females in the group, I refuse to apologize. I also enjoy watching humans procreate. The act of physical love is exciting to most people as evidenced by the fascination to its various aspects we witness everyday from the advertising industry. Were our population not so hung up on sex I sometimes wonder if anything would ever be sold. Do YOU enjoy looking at the opposite sex unclothed? Tell me "no!" Then deny your interest the next time a scantily clad model appears on your TV in a commercial. Tell me "no" and I suspect I might find the type of person who will lie about important things also. Teasing you pastor the other night I told him I have often fantasized about starting my own church. It would be the First Church Of Computer Sex! And I would get to program the computer. We shared a good laugh, but as I was thinking about my talk this morning, I remembered that conversation. Should such a church be founded, I can guarantee you the congregation would quickly become quite large. Would this be wrong? Would this be evil? My answer would have to be a profound and emphatic, NO! Is sex ever evil? Now there's a topic for several months of fruitless discussion. Personally, I would say no, sex is never evil! Possibly, there is someone in this chapel today who disagrees with me. We could argue, discuss and cuss each other until we both turned blue from lack of air and neither of us would probably change our opinion. Who would be right and who would be wrong? Each of us, in this room today, has already answered that question in the last few seconds to ourselves. Based on our upbringing, our attitudes and yes, our prejudices, we have declared our positions to our own minds. AND YOU ARE RIGHT! And I am right, for everyone is always righteous in the privacy of their own mind. Every individual justifies their own attitudes to themselves. AND BY GOLLY, no one had better say anything differently because we all know that our way is the only right way! I leave you with the following challenge. Open your minds, you hearts and share your love with one another. The man upon whom this whole concept of religion is based is purported to have said, "Love yee one another!" Again, I paused long enough to make eye contact with every member of my captive audience, before I concluded with: I challenge everyone within the sound of my voice today to think carefully upon those words. Ask yourself if you have truly taken them to your heart! Ask yourself if you have given totally of your body and of your mind to fulfill this simple command." I sat down to the echo of a multitude of "Amen's.” I noticed Ronnie Joe seemed momentarily at a loss for words. He sat for several lengthy seconds before slowly rising and standing silently at the podium. There he said, "Brother Leo told me he was unable to prepare his words in advance, even though he spent many hours trying to plan his talk for this morning. I'm sure he will deny this, even to himself, but if ever I heard an inspired sermon that was it." Again, the "Amen" chorus echoed. "Unlike Brother Leo, I did prepare a sermon for this morning." He paused and then slowly continued, "I think I will forgo that missive today because I don't feel I can improve on the words we have just heard. Now this means we will dismiss early this morning. I apologize to all of you who are bothered by that prospect," he said with a broad grin. "Brother Leo, I would like to take this opportunity to extend an open invitation to you to return to our pulpit anytime. You are without a doubt the most devout skeptic I have ever encountered." He then went on to ask someone to lead them in song while the collection plate was passed. I later learned that the collection that morning was twice normal size. Selfishly I rather hoped it was due to my words and not just because Ronnie Joe dismissed early. My final service of the morning was to stand at the front door of the church to shake hands and accept comments from the people filing out. Much to my surprise, everyone seemed to appreciate everything I had said and several congratulated me on my eloquence. Of course, at that time I really did not have a very good idea of exactly what I had said. Three of the ladies indicated they would like to talk to me further. I was skeptically certain they probably would enjoy the opportunity to spout their philosophies to an admitted heathen. Ronnie Joe was "Johnny-On-The-Spot" helpful as he shared with each of my potential antagonists the location of my house. "Just come over to my place and Brother Leo lives right next door," he cheerfully directed. My desire to express my gratefulness was tempered by both our location and my fear of getting blood all over my best suit. Susie cuddled up to me and told me what a wonderful job I had done as we drove home. The assurance, though welcome, was not as impressive as was her gently stroking fingers. By the time we parked in my driveway, I was in too embarrassing a condition to walk to the house without holding something in front of myself. Quickly closing and locking the front door, I grabbed Susie before she could change from the ultra trim fitting dress she had worn to church. Barely beyond the entryway I buried my tongue in her tonsils and held her tightly as I slowly unzipped her. She rubbed up and down my chest with her erect nipples and kicked her shoes away. Without breaking our lip contact I worked her sheath upward until it was bundled about her neck. Once the clasp of her brassier was loose, I broke for air only long enough to lift both garments from her arms and shoulders. Holding her at arms length, I took a moment to appreciate her beautiful, upturned breasts before I again crushed her to my chest. An undeclared contest was going on between us to see whether her nipples could be harder than my straining erection. Susie had unbuttoned my shirt and I slipped from it and my suit jacket in a quick, careless motion. Somewhere in the process, my tie had been pulled loose and it was tossed away with the rest of my upper clothing. As my pants and shorts descended around my ankles, I slid my lover's half slip down her gorgeous body. Clad now in only my favorite suit while she wore nothing but her panty hose we rubbed each other almost to mutual climaxes. When she put her hands to the waist of her nylons, I held them to prevent her removing this last item of clothing. "You're going to ruin another pair of my panty hose, aren't you?" She purred into my ear. "How are you going to cut through the crotch? There's nothing here in the living room to cut with." "Sure there is. It's pointing at you right now," I licked into her ear. Grasping my weapon she snickered, "Its point is kind of blunt. Maybe you should help it with your teeth!" Pushing her back into the lounge chair, I accepted her ingenious invitation and buried my face in the already soaked muskiness between her legs. Rubbing her pubic mound with my teeth, tongue and chin I soon had her panting heavily. Then I gathered a fold of material between my teeth and bit through the material. Once the initial fissure had been rent, it was a simple matter to enlarge the hole with my fingers. Then I spread her beautiful lips wide and probed my tongue as deep into her depths as I could reach. I've always had a very agile tongue. Unfortunately, it's not quite long enough to touch my nose, much less be of use to smooth my eyebrows. It did seem sufficient to excite Susie, though. When I stroked upward and circumscribed her clitoris, then kneaded it against the roof of my mouth, she climaxed with a happy sigh. Taking advantage of her pinnacle of excitement, I quickly drove my throbbing erection into her momentarily slack muscles. My shaft had not reached its ultimate depth before she clenched me in an almost painful clasp. Her legs wrapped tightly around the back of my calves and she breathed into my ear, "Deeper! Share every bit of yourself with me!" The full power of her leg muscles was holding me so tightly against her I could hardly stroke in and out. I couldn't go any deeper! My hips were in the way. We were locked together tightly for several minutes before the last of her orgasmic spasms subsided. When she finally relaxed her legs, I felt as if I had been running. It was fantastic! For the next hour, I stroked my lovely Susie in a slow, gentle rhythm until neither of us could resist the erogenous contact we were enjoying together. Simultaneously we consummated our passion in a frantic burst of lust, which left us both satiated and ecstatic. Afterward, as we showered together, Susie asked me what I was going to say if some of the ladies from the church should decide to visit. Stupidly, without considering the confining limitations of the shower, I said it depended on what they looked like. She hurt me! As I was drying her off, I admitted I really didn't know what I would say. I just hoped no one really wanted to enter into a complicated theological debate. My knowledge of the bible was definitely not sufficient for any elaborate argument. Susie's suggestion that perhaps my mouth was better suited to other endeavors than arguing led to another pleasant round of caressing and oral stimulation of her body. We threw together a quite elaborate chef's salad for lunch and ate in the nude. After we had eaten, we were cleaning up our culinary mess when Susie said she had a feeling we should get dressed. Although I took a few moments to enjoy the freedom a lack of clothing afforded us, I too had been getting nervous. Our prescience was rewarded when only moments after we were clothed, the doorbell rang. Two of the ladies who had seemed especially anxious to talk to me that morning were nervously standing on my front porch. With a tortured glance at Susie, I invited them into our aromatic living room. Until I opened the door to fresh air, I hadn't realized how pungent our lovemaking had left the house. Our guests diplomatically ignored the odor. "Brother Leo," began the younger of the two, a woman I judged to be in her middle twenties. "I'm Sue ... that is, Sister Susan Monroe, and I ..." Holding up my hand, I stopped her long enough to ask, "Must we continue with this Sister and Brother (I bit my tongue not to say 'crap') routine? I really would prefer not to be called 'Brother Leo'!" "Oh! That's fine with us," her companion edited. "We thought you ... That is, Pastor Ronnie Joe ... Well, we thought that was what you preferred. Actually, we never use 'Brother' and 'Sister' unless someone else starts it." "Good! Now that we've got that cleared up, may I get you ladies something to drink before we get too involved talking?" "Oh, no thank you," they said almost in chorus. Shucks! So much for getting them drunk. Realizing I couldn't rush them, as they seemed extremely nervous, I leaned back and waited for them to enlighten me as to the purpose of their visit. After much hemming, hawing and pointless discussion of the weather, the location of my house and I don't remember what else, Joni, the extremely attractive elder of the two said, "Could you explain a bit more about what you said this morning?" I took a moment to minutely examine each of them. Thin, almost to the point of being too skinny, Sue was perched on the edge of the couch in such a way that her skirt had ridden up her thighs almost to her crotch. I've always been extremely fond of very thin women so I was immensely enjoying the show. Her nervous habit of twirling her fine light brown hair seemed to distract her enough that she was unaware of the enticing view I she was sharing. The nylon was stretched tightly along her fine legs and I could see she had light blue panties under her pantyhose. Momentary fantasies of reaching up her skirt and stroking the center of her being, flashed through my evil little mind. The cuter of the two, Joni must have decided Sue was never going to get to the point so she interrupted with, "What we really want to know about is what you meant by sex not being evil. Do you mean you and your wife have extramarital relations?" Susie looked momentarily nonplussed, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. "I guess you could say Susie and I both have extramarital relations since we're not married. We're engaged, but haven't tied the knot yet." "Oh. I'm sorry," Joni stammered. "I just naturally thought ... Well you seem to be a couple. You seem so married. I mean, you seem so happy together." "Why, thank you," Susie answered delightedly. "We are extremely happy together. We are also very supportive of each other and feel that to remain dedicated to one another it would be a mistake to restrict each other's normal desires. If Leo feels attracted to someone else, I understand. It's not a threat to my security for him to have natural urges. If he didn't, I don't think I would not find him as attractive as I do," Susie explained. "Oh," was all Joni could think to say as she shook her head side to side causing the dark tresses of her short hair to sway around her face like a stage curtain. Pursing her mouth in what appeared to be a disapproving pinch she said, "Are you saying you cheat on each other?" "No," Susie declared emphatically as she hugged me by the shoulders. "I have never 'cheated' on Leo." Then with just enough break in her statement to insure total attention from our guests she continued, "I have had sex with other men than Leo. I've even had lovers while Leo was right there with me. Now if that makes me some sort of terrible person, I intend to thoroughly en

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15 Gay Erotic Stories from Jimilinden

Car Trouble

My next door neighbor is one of those lucky individuals who seems able to repair anything. When my van wouldn't start I therefore gave him a call. I assumed since nothing happened when the key was turned that the problem was probably something simple such as a dead battery. Steve was more than happy to assist me as he knew my resident dildo was away with the local Air National

Church Tales Chapter 1

The story you are about to read is true. All events and behavior are faithful accounts of past occurrences, although names have been altered to protect my ass and keep me out of court. Writer's license and humble discretion have been utilized where and when I felt it necessary to avoid embarrassment or legal action. * * * * * My boyfriend and I originally met at church and had

Church Tales Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Preacher's Daughter The story you are about to read is true. All events and behavior are faithful accounts of past occurrences, although names have been altered to protect my ass and keep me out of court. Writer's license and humble discretion have been utilized where and when I felt it necessary to avoid embarrassment or legal action. * * * * * Susie, my girlfriend,

Church Tales Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Preacher's Son The story you are about to read is true. All events and behavior are faithful accounts of past occurrences, although names have been altered to protect my ass and keep me out of court. Writer's license and humble discretion have been utilized where and when I felt it necessary to avoid embarrassment or legal action. * * * * * The land of fruit and nuts

Church Tales Chapter 4

Chapter 4: The Minister's Wife The story you are about to read is true. All events and behavior are faithful accounts of past occurrences, although names have been altered to protect my ass and keep me out of court. Writer's license and humble discretion have been utilized where and when I felt it necessary to avoid embarrassment or legal action. * * * * * The Reverend Ronald

Church Tales Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Pastor Ronnie Joe THE FOLLOWING STORY IS TRUE. ALL EVENTS AND BEHAVIOR ARE FAITHFUL ACCOUNTS OF PAST EVENTS, ALTHOUGH NAMES HAVE BEEN ALTERED TO PROTECT MY POSTERIOR AND KEEP ME OUT OF COURT. WRITER'S LICENSE AND HUMBLE DISCRETION HAVE BEEN USED WHERE AND WHEN I FELT IT EXPEDIENT TO AVOID ADVERSITY OR LEGAL ACTION. * * * * * Painful though it was, I left the land of

Church Tales Chapter 6

Chapter VI: Converts THE FOLLOWING STORY IS TRUE. ALL EVENTS AND BEHAVIOR ARE FAITHFUL ACCOUNTS OF PAST EVENTS, ALTHOUGH NAMES HAVE BEEN ALTERED TO PROTECT MY POSTERIOR AND KEEP ME OUT OF COURT. WRITER'S LICENSE AND HUMBLE DISCRETION HAVE BEEN USED WHERE AND WHEN I FELT IT EXPEDIENT TO AVOID ADVERSITY OR TO ENHANCE EPISODE INTERVALS. * * * * * The Reverend Ronnie Joe and I sat

Church Tales Chapter 7

Chapter 7: The New Church THE FOLLOWING STORY IS TRUE. ALL EVENTS AND BEHAVIOR ARE FAITHFUL ACCOUNTS OF PAST EVENTS, ALTHOUGH NAMES HAVE BEEN ALTERED TO PROTECT MY POSTERIOR AND KEEP ME OUT OF COURT. WRITER'S LICENSE AND HUMBLE DISCRETION HAVE BEEN USED WHERE AND WHEN I FELT IT EXPEDIENT TO AVOID ADVERSITY OR TO ENHANCE EPISODE INTERVALS. * * * * * Leo had been asked by The

Proliferate Afternoon (Ch. 1)

THE FOLLOWING STORY IS TRUE. ALL EVENTS AND BEHAVIOR ARE FAITHFUL ACCOUNTS OF PAST EVENTS, ALTHOUGH NAMES HAVE BEEN ALTERED TO PROTECT MY POSTERIOR AND KEEP ME OUT OF COURT. WRITER'S LICENSE AND HUMBLE DISCRETION HAVE BEEN USED WHERE AND WHEN I FELT IT EXPEDIENT TO AVOID ADVERSITY OR TO ENHANCE EPISODE INTERVALS. * * * * * Even before he spoke, I could feel him behind me. His

Proliferate Counsel (Ch. 3)

THE FOLLOWING STORY IS TRUE. ALL EVENTS AND BEHAVIOR ARE FAITHFUL ACCOUNTS OF PAST OCCURRENCES. NAMES HAVE BEEN ALTERED TO PROTECT MY POSTERIOR AND KEEP ME OUT OF COURT. WRITER'S LICENSE AND HUMBLE DISCRETION HAVE BEEN USED WHERE AND WHEN I FELT IT EXPEDIENT TO AVOID ADVERSITY OR TO ENHANCE EPISODIC INTERVALS. * * * * * Recently Leo stopped by the office to see me and torment my

Proliferate Dinner (Ch. 2)

THE FOLLOWING STORY IS TRUE. ALL EVENTS AND BEHAVIOR ARE FAITHFUL ACCOUNTS OF PAST EVENTS, ALTHOUGH NAMES HAVE BEEN ALTERED TO PROTECT MY POSTERIOR AND KEEP ME OUT OF COURT. WRITER'S LICENSE AND HUMBLE DISCRETION HAVE BEEN USED WHERE AND WHEN I FELT IT EXPEDIENT TO AVOID ADVERSITY OR TO ENHANCE EPISODE INTERVALS. * * * * * A recent rainy afternoon had introduced me to my co-worker

Proliferate Drill (Ch. 4)

THE FOLLOWING STORY IS TRUE. ALL EVENTS AND BEHAVIOR ARE FAITHFUL ACCOUNTS OF PAST OCCURRENCES. NAMES HAVE BEEN ALTERED TO PROTECT MY POSTERIOR AND KEEP ME OUT OF COURT. WRITER'S LICENSE AND HUMBLE DISCRETION HAVE BEEN USED WHERE AND WHEN I FELT IT EXPEDIENT TO AVOID ADVERSITY OR TO ENHANCE EPISODIC INTERVALS. * * * * * Exiting the car I lifted my skirt to reveal thigh-high nylons

Proliferate First Memory (Ch. 5)

THE FOLLOWING STORY IS TRUE. ALL EVENTS AND BEHAVIOR ARE FAITHFUL ACCOUNTS OF PAST OCCURRENCES. NAMES HAVE BEEN ALTERED TO PROTECT MY POSTERIOR AND KEEP ME OUT OF COURT. WRITER'S LICENSE AND HUMBLE DISCRETION HAVE BEEN USED WHERE AND WHEN I FELT IT EXPEDIENT TO AVOID ADVERSITY OR TO ENHANCE EPISODIC INTERVALS. * * * * * Sunday afternoon of Drills is always a slack time. My

The Trip

THE FOLLOWING STORY IS TRUE. ALL EVENTS AND BEHAVIOR ARE FAITHFUL ACCOUNTS OF PAST EVENTS, ALTHOUGH NAMES HAVE BEEN ALTERED TO PROTECT MY POSTERIOR AND KEEP ME OUT OF COURT. WRITER'S LICENSE AND HUMBLE DISCRETION HAVE BEEN USED WHERE AND WHEN I FELT IT EXPEDIENT TO AVOID ADVERSITY OR LEGAL ACTION. * * * * * She was awakened from her not very comfortable nap by a touch on her

The Voice

THE FOLLOWING STORY IS TRUE. ALL EVENTS AND BEHAVIOR ARE FAITHFUL ACCOUNTS OF PAST EVENTS, ALTHOUGH NAMES HAVE BEEN ALTERED TO PROTECT MY POSTERIOR AND KEEP ME OUT OF COURT. WRITER'S LICENSE AND HUMBLE DISCRETION HAVE BEEN USED WHERE AND WHEN I FELT IT EXPEDIENT TO AVOID ADVERSITY OR LEGAL ACTION. * * * * * Chapter 1 - GETTING READY Jill stared at her reflection thinking it must

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